Tuesday, May 21, 2013


I can't describe my guilt.  I am ashamed of my insignificant prayers.  My cushy life is too great for me to accept.  I don't feel like I deserve it.  All of those families out there who have lost their kids, mothers, fathers... I don't understand.  Why do we have such an easy life?  People in other countries don't have food, shelter... they are suffering from disease and starvation.  Then there's this country... So many things have happened this year.  Why have we been spared?  It seems as though every family in this country has been effected one way or another from all of these tragedies.  Jordan sees heartache every time he is at work.  I have an iPhone, a house, plenty of food, plenty of clothes, a computer, TV's, cars, shoes for my feet, shampoo for my hair, make up to look pretty, three different types of strollers, lots of time with my husband, a beautiful HEALTHY baby boy, family close by willing to help at the drop of a hat, margaritas when I feel so inclined, delicious iced coffee in my fridge, a juicer to help with my new "clean eating" goal, a big camera to capture all of my life's little precious moments, good friends to call when I need someone to talk to or someone to hang out with, shopping centers around every corner, restaurants... the list of luxuries is ENDLESS!!  Yet there is so much suffering in this world.  I feel so guilty.  Why am I allowed all of these things??? Am I thankful?  Yes!  But my only question is why?  It is a major struggle thinking about all of the darkness and heartache in this world and still being able to enjoy what I have?  I complain about things too!  What gives me the right to complain when I can't buy that shirt or not get my iPhone the week I want to get it, or not have internet working when I NEED to get online?  I am a spoiled little brat.  We all are.