Monday, April 26, 2010

Annabelle Grace

It's been a long eleven days since Annabelle Grace was born! Hanging out with her has been the only thing that I care about doing with my time. She is perfect. Katie went through a pretty long labor... She was such a trooper! Annabelle was worth every painful hour... well, so I'm told :) I didn't experience it personally... That would be all Katie! BUT she was worth it. Annabelle was in the hospital for a week in NICU... She was born with a bit of fluid in her lungs and had a hard time adjusting to the world of oxygen... I cannot even express the gratitude to all the people in our lives who have been praying for Katie and Craig and Annabelle. There has been so much love and support... it's such a blessing! Annabelle is now home and doing AWESOME! She is eating good and she barely ever cries! Pray for Katie and Craig as they embark on this new life... with all of the challenges they could encounter. Annabelle has been born with Down Syndrome. I think she is going to be such a little blessing and light in this dark world and I'm SO excited to watch her grow! I am in love with this little peanut and can't wait to see the little woman of God she becomes. She's going to be amazing... already IS! I LOVE HER!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Craig and Katie and their sweet little poppy

I took these pictures of Katie and Craig yesterday. She wanted me to take them because she was certain that Annabelle was about to pop out! Look how low she is! Katie has been in labor for the past two days and it's getting worse and worse! She hasn't dilated at all... I think she's just confused right now. She doesn't know when she should go back in to the hospital since they turned her away late last night and said she wasn't ready. She's in a lot of pain... Please pray for her that she will dilate and that baby Annabelle would come into this world without any complications! My mom had to have c-sections with all three of us because she never dilated. I pray that isn't going to happen with Katie!

Monday, April 12, 2010

I should take the word "alone" out of my vocabulary

At the moment, I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one that you can't figure out. Makes me feel like I want to curl up in a ball and cry... It's an empty feeling. The feeling that I wont ever find someone and I'll be single the rest of my life. Being around people who don't have that feeling anymore is hard sometimes. I try so hard to be content in where I am. Most days I am extremely content and happy! I praise God for days like that... Then there's days like today. Being surrounded with people.. talking, laughing with those people... and yet still feeling alone and sad. For this, I have Christ. I don't usually talk to any person about these feelings I have... I usually pray and wait for it to end. It tends to last maybe a day... not long, which I'm thankful for. I don't want to talk about it out loud because it only becomes something I'll think about more. I love my single life, I really do! I'm free to do so many things that I want to do. I have an amazing roommate and great friends and family to spend time with... I am so so thankful for all of those things. I'm sure every person has had this awful, pit-of-your-stomach feeling though.

I feel extremely selfish when I feel this way. God has me in this time of life to draw me closer to Him. I love it! I love feeling drawn to talk to Him more than to any person right now. I do tend to get distracted in relationships and kind of put my relationship with God on the back burner. I just miss having someone.

"If you only see what God has done for you, your God is not big enough." - Oswald Chambers.

We do sometimes create this image of what we want God to be... and He becomes, to us, 'our version' of who He actually is. That's not right. God is God no matter what He does or doesn't do for us, because, you know what? It really isn't our life! It's hard for me sometimes to see the big picture when all I can see is what is giving me this terrible knot in my stomach.

I didn't write this note for people to feel sorry for me that I am feeling lonely, but so that others who feel this way may be encouraged with the life of Jesus working in us. He IS working in me... and I can feel it. I struggle against it sometimes, yes... but letting go feels so good. He brings peace and contentment, even through the pain I may feel... It's so comforting to know that even though I don't have someone here on earth for me right now, I have Christ every moment.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Do people see Christ in me? It's something I think about often. Is He so a part of my life that others can just tell that I'm a Christian? Sometimes, I think not. I don't think that I am the 'poster child' for a Christian. I feel like I "talk the talk" more than "I walk the walk"... or whatever. I really want to be so close with Him that people know I'm a Christian. I have been praying about that a lot lately. Sure, I write this blog and it sounds nice and pretty... but I don't know if my life is there yet. I am still pretty selfish... I don't know if I'm even in the place in my life to start writing a blog like this, because I don't want people to think it's hypocritical of me.

This is a challenge to me as well as a challenge to others out there... look at your life and ask yourself if you are really the kind of person that God would want sharing about Him... If not, pray that He will start to change you... change doesn't come easily, but you have to be willing! I am just done with people saying one thing and doing another... I feel like I am like that in many ways... I'm sorry to those of you who find it hard to believe that I could write a blog like this because of the life I lead. I'm not saying I lead a terrible life, but it's definitely not something I feel God is worthy of. He deserves all of us, not just the parts that we're willing to give up.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Who I am

Sorry, I failed. I was going to update every day and I haven't updated in four days!

So, Easter weekend came and went... I spent the weekend relaxing, spending time with either my pregnant sister and family, or my roommate, Sarah. It was a good weekend. I think God actually taught me a lot about Himself this weekend... well, and ME for that matter. I have been provided with contentment in where I am in my life right now. I struggle daily with being single, poor, lonely, and a dirty dirty sinner... haha... but seriously though. I have to pray every day that I can be content in what I have and where I am. I know that God loves me unconditionally... but sometimes I feel like I have to impress Him like I would try to impress a conditional friend. A friend that only likes to be around you when you're available to everything THEY need... a friend that doesn't like it when you make your own decisions... a friend that wont stick around when you don't follow their advice... a friend who doesn't care about anything but themselves. I know that's not who God is, and that He loves despite my yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, hourly, minute-ly ups and downs... but sometimes I feel like I have to be fake when I pray. Like I have to pretend to have good grammar in my prayer and say just the right thing, or I'll get shut off... God has shown me that He is faithful and that He actually is always here. He HAS to be! He indwelt my heart eons ago and sometimes I feel like He isn't around at all... But that's my own fault. He has been showing me lately how ever-present He is in my life... How He is constantly listening, watching, and guiding. It honestly brings me so much comfort to know that someone understands me. FINALLY! All I have wanted is for someone to know me... and to help me get to know myself... He is doing that for me. My identity is found in Him... He is my life... the rest is just details. (haha, cheesy T-shirt saying, I know)

God is SO forgiving and gracious. He allows us to make up our own minds and make our own mistakes so that we will someday step back and say, "Wow, I can't believe you were there for that... Thank you for sticking around after seeing what I truly am." haha... makes me laugh, and blush a little, knowing how much He knows about me. I have a truly rotten nature... but I wouldn't know that if it weren't for Him... and THAT, my friends, is a very good thing! :)

"If we are willing to wait, we will see God pointing out that we have been interested only in His blessings, instead of in God Himself." - Oswald Chambers

Long for the provider... not the provision.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


"A heartless Christian must be a terrible grief to our Lord." - Oswald Chambers

Where does your heart lie? What is your hearts desire? Chambers was specifically referring to the fact that some Christians really don't care about people. Our first priority seems to be ourselves... which is generally true of most people. My question, however, is more broad... What is your hearts desire? Look at your life and examine it. What do you focus most of your attention on? What are you striving after? What do you care the most about? What is something you are passionate about?

I thought about those questions... and I had a few different things come to mind. Then, I had a thought... Shouldn't I desire Christ the most? Shouldn't I be most passionate about Him? Well, obviously! I think that it goes without saying that Christ should come first in all areas of our lives... I also think that It's okay to have things we are passionate about... Desires that the Lord gives us to bring us closer to Him. Desires that are not of the Lord need to be completely removed... cut off from your life. I have a list of things that need to be removed... who doesn't? I can already tell that this process that God is taking me through right now will be a long one, but it's SO worth it!

He has definitely answered my prayer of giving me a huge desire to get to know Him more on a daily basis...